worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
PANTIES FOUND
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