Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.

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(202): i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left. http://tfl.nu/4tq4

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(205): View more from Alabama

what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant

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(205): what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant http://tfl.nu/58rl

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(740): View more from Ohio

Hi, my name's audrey!

(614): View more from Ohio

Max?

(740): View more from Ohio

Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.

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(740): Hi, my name's audrey! (614): Max? (740): Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk. http://tfl.nu/di7n

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(916): View more from California

A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.

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(916): A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever. http://tfl.nu/cexy

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(630): View more from Illinois

Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.

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(630): Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit. http://tfl.nu/nygb

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(310): View more from California

Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.

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(310): Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate. http://tfl.nu/vwb7

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers

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(617): His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers http://tfl.nu/2b5k

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(410): View more from Maryland

just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp

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(410): just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp http://tfl.nu/2fc3

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(201): View more from New Jersey

We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.

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(201): We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate. http://tfl.nu/t4f1

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky

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(617): Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky http://tfl.nu/3bkx

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(281): View more from Texas

To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.

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(281): To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life. http://tfl.nu/6vxl

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(562): View more from California

We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable

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(562): We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable http://tfl.nu/eg4m

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.

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(413): Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/hq06

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(973): View more from New Jersey

The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.

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(973): The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave. http://tfl.nu/0jfg

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.

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(202): We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer. http://tfl.nu/6uoe

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