just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
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u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"