Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...