I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole