walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.