5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
