the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
