Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
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Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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