Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
