I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
