I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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