Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
