pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
