So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
BRING THE BAGELS
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
