The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
