Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
