i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
