You made me cry and you don't even care
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
