Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
