I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
4 words: hood of his car
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
