Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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