My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
