I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
