he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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