I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
