Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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