There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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