I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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