six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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