I puked a lego.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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