just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
