to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
