Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
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No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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