Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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