my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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