Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
