i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
