also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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