ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
