Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
