No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
