why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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