What a fucking waste of an outfit
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
