You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Randomize
