make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.