she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
