By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
