my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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