Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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