yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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