A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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