my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
