did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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