Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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