she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
