I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
