u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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