At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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