could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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