Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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