I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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